I think in the past as what I’ll call “before cancer,” my sense of what is sexy has been firm types of touch- whether that be mine or my partners- I’ve been a woman of extremes. I liked my hair pulled, ass spanked, and to be just grabbed. I wanted to know the person was there. And that was also true of my solo sex life. Hard. Pressure. My sense of solo sex was as a stand in for partnered sex. I could get myself off with a tried and true formula, but it was subpar to the way I felt when I got off with another person via vaginal orgasm. And so, I wasn’t even prepared to have the kinds of experiences I did have trying Foria alone or like them.
I’ve been hearing very...enthusiastically positive reviews of Foria products. I had a friend who when describing her recent use of it with her boyfriend couldn’t make any other noises than “Wow.” So it was with curiosity and not sure if I wanted to believe the hype, but hoping for a magical experience that I opened the box Foria Intimacy CBD Lubricant. I was a mix of nervous and excited.
While I’ve smoked pot recreationally on and off since high school, and definitely used it as an escape during my cancer treatment, I have very little experience with straight CBD or the specific potential uses of medical marijuana. As pure CBD products, like Foria do not contain THC, they are marketed to not have the same psychoactive properties as cannabis does. And in all sincerity, I vacillate on my own feelings about what I put in my body and wanting to find balance. I’ve been wanting to explore CBD for medicinal and recreational use, but also have had hesitancy about my experience of smoking weed making me more forgetful and hungry (which at times has been helpful too). All of our bodies are different, and like the overall point of this blog, all I can to do is explore, keeping what works and letting go of what doesn’t. I chose to try Foria because of its recommendations from friends and Dr. Shanis, but also because it is carefully sourced and created with its consumers health and wellbeing at the forefront of all of its creation.
An ex-boyfriend from when I was in my 20s had given me the nickname of Puddles because I never needed to lube. Ever. However, one of the little known by those not affected by breast cancer is that chemo can cause vaginal dryness. Post and during chemo, it took me quite a while to realize that no, I did not have a yeast infection that was causing the itchy discomfort “down there,” but rather it was the itchy discomfort that comes with a lack of the body’s own lubrication. And so now, as my vulva has become a dry desert, it is not only physically uncomfortable, but a foreign sensation of not fun. My previous conceptions of lube were limited to the times I’d tried things with non-oxyl 9 or one horrid mistake with something labeled as “warming.” And these previous experiences had not been good- the lubes felt irritating to my skin over lubricating. They both created burning sensations instead of making me more excited to get down. So not only was I trying a topical CBD product for the first time, I am also getting to know the benefits of lube.
I curled up in bed and read the instructions. “Wait 15 minutes for deeper absorption.” So I poured the recommended coin-sized amount into my palm, obviously spilling a little because I’m just not smooth. Realized I needed a towel since it was oily, laid down the towel (foreshadowing). And picked up my book to let the lube soak into my skin because I wasn’t sure what else to do while I waited….and all of a sudden. I realized that anywhere the lube had touched felt. Calm. It wasn’t that I was numb, I could feel the muscle fibers lengthening the way your shoulders descend away from your ears and down your back when you get home from a long day.
Interesting. So I thought. “Here goes.” I picked up a vibrator. And hit power. This felt good, but not remarkably noticeable until....I felt...a building of tension, the kind that happens right before you cum, but gentler. But it wasn’t tight tension, it was just a building AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I WAS SOAKING WET. I mean not lubricated, like my body had just let go of either its first geyser like squirt or I’d wet the bed! I also felt like a happy calm, puddle of jello. And there was no urine smell- because oh yes, I got my nose right up to the sheets and checked before throwing them in the wash. The next day I was the calmest and relaxed I’ve been in QUITE a while. So...to be continued.
I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure what would happen trying the Foria again. And was doing the thing where you hope something will happen but know that hoping will add stress that will impact what does happen, so really all you’re doing is pretending you’re not hoping.
So, it may not surprise you that, I didn’t squirt, but I did reach orgasm. And. It felt so much more like I had “had sex” than I had just gotten off. That may not make sense, but I felt the same sense of relaxation and mix of wanting to snuggle up next to someone. Except that someone was me. That sounds so cheesy but it is true. It took me aback even. In my fuzzy post cumming haze, I was thoroughly confused and could only really articulate it the next day.